How to Serve your Husband Sexually
Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. —I Cor. 7:5 NLT
Dear Precious Women at NVCC,
I continue to pray for you! I acknowledge that for some the subject of how to serve your husbands physically may be a very delicate topic. You may have legitimate barriers to overcome like body image issues, deep conflict with your husband, broken trust, etc. I pray that God in His grace will bring healing and restoration.
There are many ways we can romance our husbands but I have chosen to focus primarily on physical intimacy. This is often put on the backburner. It’s simply not a priority to us. Many other important things: jobs, children, church work, etc. get the best of our time, resources and energy. But are we saving any of our best for romance in marriage?
This wife was creative! Her husband, upon arriving home from work, asked his wife, “What’s for dinner tonight?” With a twinkle in her eye, she responded, “I’m only cooking in one room, it’s your choice.” We know which room he chose!
Maybe you have no desire to “cook” in the “other” room. Even though you know that God designed sex to be enjoyed within marriage (He even dedicated an entire book in the Bible to this, Song of Solomon) and given as a gift to a married couple, you still struggle and would prefer to get a gift receipt to exchange for something more useful.
Ever felt that way? Gene and I had some adjustments as newlyweds. He was a night person and I was a morning person. This created friction when it came to our physical relationship. At night I was tired, just wanted to go to sleep and would head for bed. If Gene said, “I’m coming too!” I knew the purpose behind it and I would think, “Nooo! . . . stay up and find something else to do!”
I am thankful for the godly counsel we received early in our marriage. I didn’t realize how important it was for me to be available to Gene. I began asking God to change my heart. I wanted a genuine desire to “want to” not “have to” serve my husband physically. He answered that prayer! I made changes in my schedule and am happy to report that it began happening more frequently to his delight and also to mine!
Studies continue to show that sexual satisfaction and a healthy marriage go together. God designed husbands with this desire and He designed wives to be the fulfillment of that desire. Not only for the husband’s fulfillment, but for the wife’s too! God designed the wife to meet those desires by serving her husband with her body. Paul says this . . . Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. —1 Cor. 7:5 NLT
In Philippians 2:3, Paul says, “regard one another as more important than yourself.” Husbands and wives need to be coming together with the desire of mutual fulfillment in marriage.
Don’t use sex as a bargaining chip by saying If you do this for me, I’ll do that for you. Be as excited to be with him as he is with you. Enjoy and have fun! Know in your heart that he is the only one for you. A successful marriage is when you find yourself falling in love with the same person over and over and over again!
I had the privilege of being married for 35 wonderful years to a man who deeply loved and cherished me. The night before Gene suffered a stroke, I was still available to my sweetheart. I did not realize it would be our last time – I’m so thankful I said yes. I have no regrets!
Discuss with your husband
1. Discuss sex outside of the bedroom so you have a mutual understanding of each other's preferences and needs BEFORE you go to bed!
2. On a scale of 1-10, how satisfied are you with our physical intimacy?
3. What can I do to encourage you in this area?
Pray: Lord, I know that you created us to experience the joy of physical intimacy in marriage. It has your stamp of approval! Help me to be creative in thought and forthright in action to pursue fresh ways of expressing my love to my husband. Help me to make this a priority.
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