Great Marriages: Serve Your Wife Emotionally
Serve Your Wife Emotionally.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman….
—I Peter 3:7 ESV
God’s Word exhorts the Christian husband to serve his Christian spouse. God doesn’t command unbelievers to do anything beside believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, but for the Christian husband, there is a high calling to serve his Christian wife. It’s his number one responsibility towards God. His reputation as Christian depends on it. His prayer life will diminish as a result of neglecting this responsibility.
Peter tells us that husbands are to live with their wives in an understanding way. This means to take them into account; to consider their personal needs, desires, hopes, dreams, talents, gifts, personality, and more! To serve our wives, we must seek God’s wisdom. James has taught us that if we lack wisdom, ask of God and He will give it to us (James 1:5)!
“Showing honor” literally means to designate, assign, or portion off as precious. You may think you honor your wife by keeping a job, saying “I love you,” tucking in the kids from time to time, and taking out the trash. If you don’t do the things I just mentioned, you ought to start today! It’s not too late! But your wife also needs you emotionally engaged at a heart level—not just with your head or your hands but with your heart. God’s Word tells us that husbands are to designate their wives as “precious,” meaning that we must consider them our highest personal priority in the world. To show honor is to count them as precious to us; it’s serving them at a heart level.
I will share with you three ways in which I try to serve Leslie emotionally, and you can take it or leave it.
- Tea Time
- Clean up, Clean up
- Fun Friday
Because I am from the south and I know her love language, I show honor to my wife when I come home on time so we can sit on the porch, drink some sweet tea, and talk about our days. Many times we drink water, but because of our family traditions, we always call it tea time!
We tell the kids to play in the street and watch for cars. It’s really not that sophisticated, but it works. I talk, she talks. I listen, she listens. I gripe, she gripes. I whine, she whines. I rejoice, she rejoices. I laugh, she laughs. She cries, I cry. You get it? Start with a few minutes of tea time and I bet your wife will feel you serve her emotional needs!
Secondly, clean up the house. My wife loves this. She sings the clean-up song:
Clean up, clean up,
Clean up, clean up,
Everybody do their share.
And my kids and I can’t help cleaning the house! After 13 years of being brainwashed, I have come to see this was Biblical! Leslie has been asking me to help serve her by cleaning up the house, so she made a fun sing-along song to motivate a lazy dad and kids to help. You could also be verbally supportive; say “Wow, the house looks awesome!” when she spent all day cleaning. Even better, say “Hey honey, I’ll help you clean up,” or “Let me do that for you!” It took me a few years to figure it out, but I see how important this is for my wife to feel emotionally loved and supported. God made me to help meet those needs.
Each wife is different. Some need gifts, others need quality time; some need physical touch, while still others want acts of service. That’s my wife—as a busy North Valley mom with three kids, she feels loved when I serve her by helping out around the house. This can give her a break and let her rest a bit.
Lastly, to serve my wife emotionally, I make it a point to have fun with my best friend. When we first started dating, we always planned fun adventures. At the time, I was running a youth ministry I had started called Adventure Ministries! Our dates were often connected or inspired by the many outings and adventures I had taken youth and others out on. I was an outdoor guide for years. Now I just try to guide people to Jesus! But seriously, what started my friendship with Leslie is fun. What sustains my friendship is fun! Fun is a core family value of ours. Fun is something we plan on every Friday. Lots of times we go ride mountain bikes, and when we haven’t spent all our out-to-eat budget, we splurge on pizza, salad, and a beer at Mellow Mushroom. It's my favorite day of the week. We connect on a heart level and feel refueled after a long week! Get creative, figure out kids, but get time just the two of you every day, every week, and I promise this will help you serve your wife’s emotional love tank! Fill it up, and I promise that you and the whole family will feel the reward of having a wife and a mom whose heart is full!
Discuss with your wife:
- What makes you feel really loved by me?
- What are 1-2 things that I could do that would really serve you emotionally?
- What are 1-2 things that I need to stop doing because it doesn’t make you feel loved emotionally?
Pray – Lord, help me to be the man I need to be, want to be, and can be. I want to serve my wife on a heart level more. I can’t do this without your wisdom. I will depend on You and look to other Godly examples and Your Word for guidance. In Jesus' name, Amen.